new blog

I got bored of my layout here and since I havent finished the layout I'm doing for my blog I'll be posting my blog on my multiply site! here's the address in case you wanna check it out! =p
check out the pics and the playlist too! hehe thanks..
multiply

lately I've been thinking..if what I feel is real..

am I really in love with her..or do I just like the thought of her right now? sometimes I just want to be with her..tell her how I really feel..stop hiding these secrets from her..but I can't, I mean I really like where we are right now..just good friends who share stories and laugh together..and I'm really happy when she's happy..just so cute! hehe

when is the right time to tell her?I'm just scared..I'm starting to doubt myself again..*sigh

girls and love

I've been learning a lot about girls lately..it seems when you have everything figured out you'll realize how small you really know about girls..and today I just learned that girls like to hear that a guy likes them..eventhough they dont feel the same way..sort of ego booster..and I never realized that girls had an ego..haha its really weird..I never thought that they would ever need to boost their ego..and men usually want to boost their's haha

hayyy..it's been an interesting month so far..love..what is it really?I mean I dont mean to get all sentimental here..but what makes us fall for someone soooooo much..that it just literally makes you go crazy about that person..

I want to answer a question..you know what it is..so I'm just gonna give you the answer..
it's the way you smile, the way you make me smile, the way you laugh, the way you make me smile, the way you make my heart beat thrice as fast when you're around, the way you laugh everytime I say something funny, your voice, the way you say tsk or tut..there are a million reasons and these are just some of them..

falling..

the best birthday ever

well yesterday was my bday..and I just turned 19..yeah I know I'm old..haha

well I planned to treat my friends at yellow cab that night..so after class I called up everyone that I invited and said that we'll meet at yellow cab at 7pm..when we got there we we're just 10 people..then milts wanted to buy something at ciellos so I went with him and after that I ordered 4 pizzas since there were others who just arrived..then I noticed that I was running low on cash so I went to BPI to withdraw some cash..when I got back there were already 30+ people in yellow cab..and I invited all those people..I think I overdid it with the invitations and we were able to invade yellow cab..hahaha so I ordered 2 more pizzas for the others..all in all 6 pizzas..weeeee I was kinda worried coz the others might not get to eat..then Gucci talked to me and said that 6 pizzas was enough and I shouldnt worry too much..just enjoy the party..thanks Guch..after that we just sat down and ate and laughed..then to my big big surprise the guys got a cake for me..awww just so sweet..haha then after the birthday wishes of what I wanted and who I wanted(guess for some this is pretty obvious) I blew the candle..*thanks to Goks for planning the whole cake thing..haha after that we went to tulyase..*inuman hahaha..I didnt drink much me and my blockmates (the s15 boys) were all busy talking about who their crush was in our block and who we wanted to screw..hahahaha *tsk tsk tsk bad..*dharil thanks for the gift..now I'm safe!!! hahaha it was the first time I saw mark drunk..haha since I'm usually the one who is wasted during the drinking sessions..haha after that we went to dharil's condo and we sang and dance..*sorry to the neighbors for the racket..haha after that we went home..it was really fun..

my day was complete..since she greeted me..though she couldnt come to the party..I'm still happy..hehehe the best birthday ever thanks to everyone who remembered..hehe

thanks sa mga pumunta sa yellow cab!
ayi, mark, dharil, dino, milts, toby, inna, archie, gox, russell, carlo, gucci, daine, dane, grace, david, lester, ace, tel, mon, nabs, gref, wanmig, ian, cid(dota champs na sa 17! haha), harry, jayr, jeri, joyce, kester, jem, marvin, ej(kahit nahuli ka sa pizza! kaya beer nlng nalibre ko sayo..haha), seth, ryan, and all the others I forgot to mention thanks! haha parang album ah..

thanks to God for giving me that day..I was so happy..thanks for everything..and a big big thanks for giving me such kind and caring friends..bless them always dear God.. :)

on the line

ok here it goes! my foot is over the line..you know that line..the one between friends and more than friends..I just noticed it..and I was unconsciously doing it..you know when you want to make someone happy that you would do anything for that person! I was doing it..waaaaaaaaaa wtf?!?!?! I was going around every shop I knew..waaaaaaa siht siht siht! not good..haha oh well..

blog

I'm too lazy to blog nowadays..hmm 2nd week of school..errr it feels like I've been in school for a month when in fact we're only half way there..haha

waaaaaaa it's already june! oh and belated happy bithday to all my friends I forgot to greet! sorry! waaaaa oh crap mine's coming up pretty soon..shoot! I'm old..last year as a teen! I'm planning to launch my first inuman! hahaha and then videoke at dharil, dino and milt's condo..hope everything goes to plan just for that day..and I hope my bday wish/wishes will come true..hehe

I'm falling..I think..I don't like it! fcuk! darn it! stupid siht! bicth! motherfcuker! arghhhh! everything is much better this way.. :

boring

its soooooo boring..darn I didnt go to mass today..bad..tsk tsk tsk..

I can't do anything..waaaaaa I'm so bored..sleepy..haha I changed my layout..since I was soooooo lazy to come up with a new one..grrr I wanna buy my own domain..dont know how much it's gonna cost..but I just wanna design my own website..hehe hmm what else..it's monday again tomorrow..everything is just going by sooooooo fast! it's only been a week since school started but I feel like it's already been a month..haha I wonder why?

I wonder where my money went? I look at my wallet and there's only 100 pesos left and some change..grrr I dont know where I spend most of my money! waaaaa I can't save for anything.. : grrr looks like new shoes are gonna have to wait..well my bday's coming up so I guess I'll get a few extra pocket money then.. hehe damn I still can't believe it I'm turning 19! shit! oh well.. but you know..I dont get it..when I was "younger" I wished that I was 18 so that I can be free do anything I want live on my own that sort of thing..but when I turned 18..ackkk didnt meet my expectations..haha I couldnt live on my own..I didnt grow up actually..I still think and act like a kid..hahaha grow up adrian..haha

1st week of school

wow..the first week of school is in the books..waaaaaaa our first week went by so fast..I feel like I'm already halfway in the term haha..hmmm nothing new..our intphil prof was changed but it was ok coz the new prof said that he wont be giving quizzes and yeah its a good sign since I think we can get a good grade for that subject..weeeee hmmm what else?uhmmm really nothing to right about yet..everything is still the same..when its breaktime its sooooooo boring at the lobby..and most of my friends are in their class..waaaaa I think I made a mistake in making my sched..a big mistake..I have 2 hour breaks that seem to go on forever..ackk! and when it's tuesday or thursday my 2 hour break will just be followed by a 30 or 45 minute class..Jeff Chua is the prof so I guess I have no choice..haha I hope I can keep up what I'm doing..and hopefully in the end I'll succeed..weeeeee that's it for now later!

first 2 days of school

school started yesterday..weeeeee

first day was ok..got to see some of my friends..got to eat at don2 again..yehey! dimsum don of DOOM! fraboooom! hahaha nothing new actually except for the new building full of froshies! but sadly we couldnt go inside since we we're already juniors.. hehe

2nd day..still the same..haha nothing new..

Rox is here..haha I missed her..dunno when we can see each other..looking forward to it..

bhoooooooot! haha

its over!

OK summer officially ended at 9pm..thats the time I went to sleep..hehe

its a brand new year and a brand new term..I think I'm ready..lets get it on biatch!

I cant promise that I wont cram, wont get lazy..but I know I'll try..I have to..goodluck to us..

just a thought

it's funny..you always said that I shouldnt be laughing since I'm not happy..then how can I be happy if you were never there for me?

life's a bitch..

stupid

a few days from now school is gonna start..and I started wondering..what on earth did I do for 1 whole month..and the answer is nothing.. : errr and I'm kinda regretting that I did nothing but eat, sleep, stare, play and watched tv..what a great waste of time..I should have continued studying what I wanted to study..not a good sign..*damn it..hmmm I didnt even finish photoshopping the drawing I made..waaaaaa why o why am I so lazy?!?!

really now..I started to think about what my mom said to me before.."lumalaki ka ng pabaliktad..habang tumatanda ka nagiging tanga ka.." and yeah..maybe she's right..I really feel so dumb lately..like nothing I do or say is right..I mean when did I ever turn into this guy? this lazy ass stupid person..I have done some stupid things in the past and I really regret them..but the bad thing is I regret them but I dont really get the lesson of what happened..I feel like it was really nothing..just bullshit really..and I am full of it..haha hope I can change..I really dont like the person that I have become..I want a fresh start..but regretfully life has no reset buttons..so I guess I'll just have to go with the flow..so to speak..haha

hmmm..I've been thinking..I really dont know what I still want to do in my life..when I graduate..*if I graduate..what will I do?! I mean..I've already experienced looking for a job..and I didnt like it..imagine if I actually had to work..haha I mean I feel like I'm gonna be a zombie.. wake up in the morning, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, eat lunch, back to work, eat dinner, sleep..and the cycle repeats all over again..I mean seriously?!?! where can I fit "FUN" in that schedule..since I'll probably be too tired to do anything after work..even if I did do anything I would probably collapse the very next day..haha I know school is like that..but think about it..at least you can fit in "FUN" whenever you want..right?! it's always available when we're still studying..hahaha *man I really have to grow up..haha peace!

like this?

the more you let someone go, the more they fly back to you.
the more you cage them,the more they try to escape.
the worse you treat them, the crazier in love they are with you.
saying i hate you would mean you love them very much, otherwise, why bother.
failures are more memorable than success. a person of independence, who does not need nor want us, inspires our admiration, and admiration is a love potion.
a person who needs us too much, who is weak with neediness, inspires pity.
and pity the other side of admiration, is the antidote to love.

how come the first sentence is so true?
when I'm ready to let go she always shows up..and I fall for her all over again..when will it stop?I want to let go of her..

we always say that we are looking for someone with this and that attitude but when someone does come around we tend to neglect and see what she really is..truth is sometimes we really want to be with someone who is the opposite of the one we are looking for..but why?tell me..

its raining!

weeee its raining pretty hard tonight..for once cool air and we probably wont need to turn on the air condition in my room..haha

hmmm..it was almost on this day..haha it was the same setting..it was raining..and my mom screaming at me coz of what she found out..me crying because I admitted to something that she didnt expect me to do..oh well..thats love..but I followed my mom..I had to..just seeing the look on my moms face..well I tell you it can really change almost everything..so I did it..I let go..and after that I was in college..weeeee

wow..juniors na kame..can't believe everything has gone by so fast..awww..hehe
I miss high school..haha

summer rain

it was raining late in the afternoon..the rain didnt help in making the air any cooler..*darn..

I hate it when it rains..it makes me reminisce about the past..and I'm someone who wants to forget most of my past..and a while ago I went back to that summer bout 2 years ago..probably not the way I intended my summer to end..oh well..

damn hot summer! grrr not getting any cooler..I miss school..

nadda

for the past few days eventhough I've been bored out of my mind I still wasnt able to write about anything..of course..how could you write something about what happened to you or what you're thinking about if nothing happened to your day..weeeeeee hahaha so here I am typing away about what did not happen to me for the past few days..hahaha

hmmm I miss my Ipod..its still with Chuckie..waaaaa and I'm saving up to buy new earphones..the original earphones got busted..the right earphone wont work..darn it..and buying a new pair would cost around 1200..errr 1200 for just a pair of earphones..some people are really crazy you know..hahaha

hoooray!!!I'll finally be able to go out with my friends on Friday..* chants inuman inuman! weeeeee though I'm hoping that I wont get drunk..haha *asa

school is about to start in 2 weeks..get ready..haha

damn we havent talked in ages..is she pissed?I know it was my fault but..arghhh I'm such an ass sometimes..why did I have to do that?! arghhh stupid! hope she's ok..I'm still confused..sometimes I want her but sometimes I dont..I feel like letting go of her sometimes..but she just pops up at the right time before I let go of my feelings for her..let go let go let go! smile..

sin city

I watched sin city yesterday..it was really cool..the movie was in black and white..and color was only present in some characters..hehe it gave this kind of graphic and brutal feeling..and yeah the movie is brutal..hahaha I loved the way the actors portrayed their characters..I could literally feel that it was a very dangerous city and full of blood, drugs, money and sex..jessica alba was really cute!haha

it was kathy's bday yesterday!happy bday baby!

hmmm..school is about to start in 2 weeks..may 22..I miss school , I miss my friends, I miss agno(except the things I do at agno..haha) Ok I'm gonna say again that old saying again.."I'm gonna try to do better in school to make my grades higher.."blah blah blah..but I really do have to do good..or else..foom!wish me luck..no wish me a miracle or just pray for me..that I'll be able to focus more..hehe don't get distracted..weeeeeeeee

...

damn..I can't breathe..I feel like dying sometimes..

too much

I just realized as I was cleaning my closet..I have too much clothes..a lot of them I used to wear..I can still wear them but for some reason I dont wear them anymore..wonder why..errr wasting money..so I'm going to try and wear them as much as possible..and I also found out that I have about 9 pants but I only use 3 of them..errr waste..and I have about 2 months worth of clothing..Idunno why I'm like this..and I'm always talking about saving money blah2..well look at me now..haha oh well..

I miss her..haha

overnight

*sigh I'm going to laguna..overnight daw..swimming..damn boring..grrr

one of those days

ok yesterday..haha

it was just one of those days that grrrr..I'm not mad..I'm like the opposite of mad..I'm happy but its a different kind of happy..hahaha labo..I know someone who will get this..haha

whooo..I already slept at 5am..so happy so glad..hahaha

I miss ate cheryl and jan..hahaha

I've been playing x-men legends 2..its really cool..haha

well thats it..nothing much to write about..

I still do..

Idunno..maybe saying that you dont love someone anymore is easier said than done..sometimes old feelings will come back to hunt you and bite you in the ass..errr I'm still confused whether what I'm feeling right now is true..maybe its because of the fact that she's available now..but Idunno..*sigh confused..I want to be with her..if I had money I'd go straight to the airport just to go to her..but sadly no funds and I still have a few secrets hidden from my parents..errr

wonderful life

I'm watching my first korea novela..haha the lead girl is so cute!!! Yoo-Jin is so cute! haha she has that innocent yet very funny look on her face..hahaha weee I think I'm in love..nahhh just so cute..

no OJT..yahoo!!! I just spent the whole day staring at my laptop..playing games..surfing, chatting..and thats about it..haha

I'm confused..why did she act like that? was it right that I flirted with her? errr I think she meant what she said..but Idunno..I still love her but just only as a friend..I think I'm past that stage where I would smile so wide everytime I talk to her..I think I'm over her..haha oh well..I still miss her..haha

BUM

hooray!!! I am a bum!!! hahaha

yekkk!!! I feel so sick..like I wanna throw up..maybe its because I'm afraid to tell the truth to my parents..the very thought of telling both my parents what had happened this term just really makes me sick to my stomach..and more than that I'm really starting to doubt myself..

I feel like I cant do anything right now..like for starters I tried programming..and I feel like I dont know anything anymore..errr I dont know why..waaaaa and I'm starting to forget a lot of things lately..Idunno..maybe I have alzeihmers(is the spelling right?haha) I hope I have it..hahaha maybe I can forget all of my troubles..leave everything behind..just face the future..but I'd still be running away from my troubles..I'm such a coward..weak, no faith..I'm so tired sometimes I just want to end it..yeah I am depressed..but I still manage to smile..specially when I'm with my friends..I just want to be free from all of my troubles..but I know running away will just make things worse..a lot worse..though I'm still happy coz of the fact that I dont think about smoking anymore..haha happy!!! that was tough..hehe being so dependent on such a thing..oh well its gone now..and hopefully I wont go back to it..hehe

realized

I just realized this as I was on my way to the mall to eat dinner..this happened a long time ago..hs days..

what does it mean? if you know that a girl loves you and she goes into a relationship with another guy and you know that she loves that guy..err can a person love two people at the same time? if so..who does she love more? me or that other guy?I think she cried when they broke up..but she immediately ran into me..that was the time that we got back to "talking terms"..hehe but Idunno..labo talaga..bigla ko na lang talaga naisip..haha la lang :|

going away

going to Zambales for three days..

gonna miss you guys!

retreat

we had our 3 day retreat in FORMDEV..so tuesday morning started with me in Makati..I had an interview for STORM consulting firm..hope I get the internship..after that I went home then went straight to school to meet the others..we were supposed to leave at 230 but we ended up leaving at around 4pm..I think..hehe

1st day
we arrived at Charles Hwang retreat house at around 530pm..it was a really cool place..it was near a cliff like all houses in Tagaytay...though officialy we were in Batanagas..border daw ng Batangas and Tagaytay..hehe we didnt do anything the first night..we just explored Charles Hwang and exchanged stories and went down the stairs of doom..me and milts managed to scare a couple of people of our friends..hehe I was just really freaked when I saw a ghost..I think..it was just at the end of the hall..it was dressed like the sisters clothes..then sir Caloy dragged me to the spot where I saw it and I was so sure it was a ghost since it went straight through the wall..hehe so after that we just shared stories again..and then came the sir Caloy..time to drink the juice of death..haha I managed to make it to round 2 but I just came down..foom! haha

2nd day
I managed to wake up at 6am with just 4 hours of sleep..thats a first..hehe we had our first session...the meditation period..my meditation was cut short because of Popoy..long story..so after that I went back to our room and slept..we watched the Gospel of John during the night..I still felt the same after watching the movie..food was great btw..haha fruits, juice, rice the works!!! haha after watching the movie we went back to our room..and we watched Van Wilder again..hehe this time we had a projector so it was really cool..haha I didnt get to finish the movie coz of the juice..hehe

3rd day
time to go home..everyone woke up late..except for those who slept early..only 2 people I think..haha so we lazily ate breakfast took a bath and went to the conference room..for our session and I told my problem to eveyone..the "bet you didnt know..." we we're supposed to tell something that many people didnt know..so I told them my BIG problem..after that we ate lunch..doc Sison sat beside me at lunch and talked to me..he asked me about my problem..eventhough I'm still scared I still have to face my fears..after that we went home..

for 3 whole days I was able to smile again..but now I'm back in reality..I have to face all of my problems..thanks to all those who are always there for me..

wow

what a day..thats all I can say..

what a year..

what a term..

happy yet still sad

mixed emotions..so confused..

too many things on my mind..tests, subjects, family, friends and you..

yesterday I felt nothing..and today its still the same..but somehow you made me feel happy inside..eventhough I didnt show it on the outside..but inside you made me smile..

thanks..

card

it just hurts..just couldnt help but cry..but I have no one else to blame but myself..

thanks to those who stayed with me..

fucked up day..fucked up week..

tang inang araw!

tang inang araw toh!!! sobrang sira pa sa sira araw ko..dahil sa mga tao dyan!!! walang utak!!! bwiset!!! kala mo kung sino kang magaling tang ina!!! feel mo lahat ng tao bilib sayo?!?! ulul mo hayup ka!!! mahulog ka sana sa bangin!!! bwiset!!! abnormal ka naman..feel mo talino mo??? asa ka gago!!! tang ina ka!!! bwiset!!! pag nakita ko pa ulet pagmumukha mo sa goks mamumura na kita o di kaya masasapak!!! tang ina ka!!! magsama kayo ng partner mong supot!!! mga feeling wala namang binatbat!!! pweh!!!

tang ina mo tilapia!!! mamatay ka na!!!

arghhhh!!! maguho na sana mundo..sorry kung ganito ako ngayon..badtrip lang talaga...

finals week

yipee!!! finals week..not like I should be happy or anything..I still dont have a sure pass subject.. T_T arghhh I hate this..philhis is such a big hassle..damn that freakish gay professor..I wish he'd just shave his head completely so that we wont be too distracted by 2 beams of light coming from his forehead and the very bald spot on the back of his head..hahaha =p mean but true..haha

algocom..still dont know if I'm going to pass the subject..I failed the first quiz such a bust..and I still dont know the result of my second quiz..waaaa good thing we got a 90 on our symposium so Idunno..but my hopes are still high..I think.. : well that leaves introai and introse..waaaaaa I already have a 3.0 for ailproj but thats only a 1 unit subject I still need to pass introai or else foom!!! +4 accumulations of doom! waaaaa introse Idunno if I'm doing ok there..errrr my 2 "know it all" groupmates still suck! wish that they drown in their own shit! hahaha

anino

I was supposed to post this last night but I was too lazy to blog..hehe so here goes..

ANINO exam of doom!!!
I had my exam for anino mobile last saturday..Dharil picked me up at my house at about 12pm went straight to teachers village to take the exam..migs was already there taking the test..when the programmers there gave me us the instructions on where to find the test I immediately went to the site where I could find what it is I was supposed to do..I was in shock when I found out that we had 4 hours to do this game..I was like ahhhhhh..and get this we were supposed to use net beans to create the game..waaaaaaa it was still java but kind of different coz the game we were making was for mobile devices..arghhh newbie..well after 2 hours of programming I was kind of getting tired since I havent eaten lunch...errr and to make matters worse I had to restart my computer coz I had lost my internet connection..and when I was supposed to do the game again my work had been erased or lost or something..it was just a total disaster..waaaaaa momeeeeee!!! after that I had to do the whole game all over again (not that I was going anywhere in programming it) with 1 hour left..haha I just managed to launch the applet but it was not able to run the game I made so I just abandoned everything and gave up..hahaha I managed to influence everyone to leave what they were doing and go home or eat..coz we were really hungry..haha we dropped daine, migs and pagz at the train station and dharil and I went to sm to eat at yellow cab..yummy!!! I just drowned my frustrations..eat eat eat!!!hahaha

after that I went home and lucky me..I had no keys and there was no one home..I had to wait 2 hours outside my own house..weeeeee I was just about ready to shout and start kicking..hahaha after 2 hours of waiting kuya karlo arrived and I was able to go inside the house..haha after that I just ate and slept..hahaha

rainy summer day

hooray!!! first day of march I wasnt sweating because of the heat..hehe its been raining the whole day.. :) nothing much to do in school..I went to my philhis class to pass my revised papers..then after that no more class for me..actually I had a class in introai but I didnt know so..sorry na lang..hehe me and jayR were playing bomberman on his laptop..haha very funny game :)

after that me, milts, daine and gox hanged out at the formdev room and watched van wilder..hahaha laughtrip again..I never get tired of watching van wilder..its a really cool movie..hehe imagine staying in college for 7 years..wow thats a record..haha immortal!!! muwahahaha.. after watching the movie met up with dino and toby and we went to WOW to take a quick bite..yummy!!! after that we went home..

next week is finals week..weeeee goodluck to everyone..hope I pass everything..momeeee!!!

it feels weird..seeing you go makes me weak now..its different this time..

so much for...

still cant believe what I feel..so numb yet still happy.. : gone are the days when I dont think about her and how much love I feel for her.. dont get me wrong I still care for her, I just lost the feeling of being happy everytime I see her or talk to her.. I lost that feeling and I dont think that it will ever come back..

I didnt sleep last night coz I was up doing the archon ultra project..its not an mp for a subject..I just want to make it..its really cool..haha though I'm still not finished coz I just started it last night..hehe at around 4am I started writing my nationalism paper for philhis..darn I hate that subject..hehe

at school..sabaw.. : .. I wanted to crawl on all fours and sleep on the floor..hahaha but I just slept on the table at the lobby..hehe

I have an interview at anino entertainment tomorrow..waaaaaa I hope that I'll have my OJT there..hehe I really wanna learn how to make games..hehe :D

when can I tell her?!?! I'm confused..outdoors is harder than I thought..haha :

thinking...

yesterday
kuya vj bought me new shoes!!!hooray!!! thanks kuya.. I love them..adidas adicolor..you can change the color of the stripes..cool...haha

friday
last day for my friday formdev class..I'm going to miss them..hehe
after that I attended my ailproj class..I want to code!!! waaaaaaa hahaha

the president of anino entertainment did a seminar at school in the afternoon..raine was forcing us to go..since I wanted to take my OJT there I went..hehe milts came along too..the seminar left me gaping..anino was really creating some cool games..specially this one game that was supposed to come out this april though sadly it wont be released here in the philippines since it would just be pirated..sad but true..it was a game for 8-15 year olds..a religious game so to speak..haha it was really cool coz it could go head to head with the graphics of blizzard..hehe

after my ailproj class I spent some time with the gokongwei people..hehe and after that bible study..

astig daming faci na s15..marlon, dino, carlo, jaja and russell just got accepted as new facis..haha so its them, me, milts, jayr and daine..

bible study was nice..very happy that many people attended..weeeee after that me, milts, daine and seth went to eat at mcdo and went home..I took a cab..again.. : 140..down the drain..hehe

just waiting for finals week..hope to pass everything.. : I dont want to fail anymore..waaaaaaa
just waiting for a sign..should I still wait for it?!

nothing to do..

finalhero is down..so I'm back to darkthrone..rank 64k nko..its an improvement..haha really it is i did start out at rank 200 something k..haha level 30 undead assassin..la lang..haha

feeling very hungry..I only ate 2 hot chili canton for dinner..actually that was mirienda..haha when I got home I just ate m&m's and manggo..yum!!!haha

its friday and top gun is on HBO..and I'm just staring blankly into space as I'm typing this..whatever thoughts are in my mind right now..

thought one:
will I pass all of my subjects this term?!?! I really hope so.. glimmers of hope still exist in every corner..hehe

thought two:
I wish I could get to know her better..but I'm scared..what if I slip and tell her how I really feel? I dont want to tell her now coz it really is not the right time..and I'm still scared..

thought three:
she's really cute..haha specially the way she smiles and the way she laughs.. :) she always greets me with this really catchy smile..hehe

thought four:
only one more project left to defend..hope it goes well..

thought five:
pray..bible..

thought six:
will anyone call???still have no company for my OJT.. :

past two days..

wednesday..
I had a killer day..I had two defenses..1 for ailproj and 1 for algocom and we also had a test in introse..hahaha happy!!! goodthing my 2 defenses went well..but for my introse test I wasnt able to study so..gg ka boi!!!
algocom symposium went really well..I thought for a second that we were gonna fail or receive a low score since we werent able to answer some of the questions that miss limjoanco asked us..and after the the symposium I was surprised to find a 90 on the grading sheet..wth?!?! hahaha I was so happy that when I went outside the classroom I started running and screaming..hahaha good day all in all..and after I went home ahay!!! muntikan ng ma gg..good thing I found it first before my parents did.. haha :D

thursday
philhis test still sucked..haha

should I tell her?! is it a risk worth taking..dont wanna think about this stuff anymore..haha

start the week right?!

I feel so useless..
got so many projects that I barely gave my all..
algocom, introse, ailproj..
waaaaaa..I dont want to fail.. :

I just can't seem to do anything right for the past three terms..
my sophomore year sucks..
nothing but bad decisions and disappointments..
hopefully as I end the 3rd term of my sophomore year I can do something right and pass all of my subjects..

algocom

I'm stuck..waaaaaaaa Idunno what else to write for our term paper for algocom..waaaaaaa help me..I have a ton of stuff to do.. help me.. I'm so weak right now..no motivation whatsoever..
waaaaaaaa..

should I tell her? :

tired

drained..
physically and emotionally drained.. :
eckkk..
gimme strength LORD..
sana kayanin pa..

babbles......

I'm confused..I dont know what I really feel..
when will my heart stop beating???
when will it stop skipping???
I'm scared..
my real problem is I could never really help myself when it comes to this kind of thing..I could always give my friends advice but when it comes to my own troubles I really have no clue what to do..I dont know..I have always been too open when it comes to love and I have been hurt in the past..and now I feel like I'm scared to let love in..I'm scared to take that step.."nato torpe kumbaga"..but Idunno..I wasnt like this before..but why now?will I stand on the side again and watch someone I love in the hands of another?I really dont know..then there will come that time again where I knew I could have done something bullshit..but thats just not it..in truth I was just scared to be hurt..but one should be ready to be hurt when they love right?so why am I feeling this?*sigh..somebody tell me why....

wednesday...

I had this freaky dream early in the morning..I dreamt that a burglar had broke into our house and the burglar only took my laptop.. : shooot!!!haha after a few minutes I was kinda thinking if it was real then I woke up and I ran out my room and checked to see if my laptop was still there..and thank GOD it was still there..haha I know its not nice to hold on to material things but couldnt help it..precious item my laptop.. :D

after that mom and dad dropped me off at school coz they were gonna go to baclaran..mom says she wants to attend mass there..dad forgot to give me my allowance so I was forced to user the "power" again..hehe my handy dandy credit card..I had to withdraw P500 coz I was going to buy another transcript..forgot to xerox the last two..gave it to HP and accenture..hehe

I ate lunch with ayi, mark and archie..after that archie and I went to request for my transcript..the accounting office was closed so we went back to gox to watch the hotdog eating contest..I wanted to join but the idea of mixing hotdogs with chocolate and chili kinda grossed me out..haha after that I went back to the accounting office with milts and rech..200 pesos lost in an instant..ouch!!! after that rech and I went to SPS to get our xrays..mine turned out OK..I was kinda thinking my xray would have a big pirate logo in it..hahaha after that we went to the lib to research the book for my philhis class..after that we went back to gox to go to our classes..

after my introse class I went to the 4th floor to have my interview with doc sison for FORMDEV..I was really thankful for the interview coz I was able to say some things on my mind at that time..after that went to agno to eat and then went home with ayi..

happy day all in all..hehe :D

quitting...

I'm quitting a lot of things..

I've decided to take it slowly..coz you really cant force someone to quit immediately..you have to take it day by day..no regrets..its your life..I want to live a clean life..hehe

I'm also quitting her..I've thought it through..it just not meant to be..its better if we're just friends..I just dont want to go through that kind of realationship..hehe

weird day..nothing happened much except for my damn algocom test..waaaaaa I dont wanna fail!!!huhuhu LORD kahit 1.0 lang po OK na..plsssssss waaaaaaaaaaa :(( cry cry..papeeeeeeeeeee hehe

sunday

nothing new today..woke up late, got a new haircut, clipped my nails(on my own..yipee), took a shower twice slept again, woke up, ate dinner and finally faced the computer again blogging..hehe

its been raining for two days now..idunno just feels weird going into the summer..hehe

"thump4x goes my heart, everytime I see you..its weird..havent felt this in a long time.."

saturday...

I was finally able to attend the Singalong outreach since I wasnt able to go last week..we we're supposed to be there by 9am but we were waiting for other people to come..so we left Gox at about 9..errr we rode in jayr's car to get to the day care center..we got lost and we went back to where we started 3 times..hahaha so we went back to Gox to pickup pogz since he knew the way..hooray pogz!!!we taught the kids how to color, read letters etc..

after that we went back to Gox..jayr and I ran towards sps to get our yearly checkup..but the lady told us we should just have the medical on monday.. :| sayang takbo..hehe after that research for our algocom paper..we're going to change topics..since its really hard to find a really nice source for our topic..adaptive s-sort..errr

damn..I'm getting that icky feeling again..and I dont like it..waaaaaaa my heart skips a beat everytime I talk and see her..I havent felt this way since I was a freshman in high school..errr long time..wahaha

special message:
"nakakainis kang tao ka!!!gusto mo na lang puro ung sayo nagagawa..taena wish ko lang madale tayo..para matuto ka..fuck you!!!"

research....

I have a ton of research papers to do..the toughest should be the paper for algocom..arghhh I cant find any sources..waaaaaaa I'm so dead..huhuhu

help me someone?!?!?!anyone?!?!errrr I have to go to the library tomorrow..again..hopefully I'll bring the book that I borrowed a month ago..waaaaaa mahal na bayad nun...errrr

I felt happy before my last class started..hmmm..hahaha all I can say is..mabait siya..so she noticed me yesterday..that was sick..hahaha

weird day..

early morning:
I was sick I felt kinda cold last night so I wasnt able to take a shower and early in the morning I was really burning up..slept in my moms bed..I miss her..hehe woke up at about 8am and I wanted to rush to school since I had nothing better to do here in the house..at about 10am my dad dropped me off at school..

nothing exciting happened for the rest of the day..after my introse class I joined my milts, dino, dharil, daine, toby, migs and russell for their engltri practice..we managed to find an empty classroom so they decided to hold their practice there..after a few minutes sir Caloy arrived and told us about some issues about DLSU, CCS, engltri and MSCS..I was really impressed coz he really was making sense and he is obviously freakishly smart..IDOL ko na siya..hahaha we didnt realize that that it has already been 2 hrs since sir Caloy started talking to us..after that we saw Arti and Irene at the lobby so we chatted a while and went home..

I feel so incomplete..I dont know why..I feel like something is missing..maybe its that someone..but Idunno..and I just realized something..next term..I'm already a junior..wtf?!?!feels like it was only yesterday I set foot in La Salle and met my blockmates..whoah..sad part is..I feel like I didnt do anything right during my sophomore year..waaaaaaaa :(( cry cry..I hope my junior year will be better..still dont know..I'll try to do my best..

I'm getting that feeling..its funny..haha

...

I just realized as I was talking to jayr..problems no matter how big and depressing they are will always end..though you cant control the outcome of a problem it will eventually end..and hopefully you'll come out in one piece..he made me realize that we shouldnt run away from our problems..we all have to face it like a man and never forget that GOD will always be there..always pray to Him and He will help you overcome any problem that will come eventually come your way..

right now I'm crying inside and outside..all the problems that me and my friends are facing will eventually end..some of us may change..I hope it is for the better..

jayr is right.."tama na muna bisyo"..I cant keep running away from my problems..eventually too much of my vices will become a problem in the long run..and its already a problem now..coz of last nights events I feel so down..it hurts everytime I take a deep breathe..all these vices may help me get away from my troubles but only for a while..in the long run it will cause nothing but more problems for me..

all I need right now is my friends and family..who are always there to support me..and I'm always here to help them..

"The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor."

"THE ONE WHO KNEELS TO THE LORD CAN STAND UP TO ANYTHING."

taning by Imago

Sa'n mapupulot ang pag-asa
may katuwiran ba ang sala
ngiti ko ang iyong galak
langit ko ang iyong kandungan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

Chorus:
Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Sa'n hihingi ng patawad
kung walang dalang dahilan
tangis ko ang iyong pagluha
nais ko ang iyong kalayaan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

Chorus:
Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

tama bang aminin na nating may taning..........

random thoughts..

I left my iPod with jayR..I miss it..it needs to be charged..errr

I just realized that I've listened to narda for about a hundred times..whoahhh..thats how much I like the song..hahaha

hayyy..why is love like this..be it love love, unconditional love, friendly love or any other kind of love..it still bites..arghhh

why cant it be "I like you and you like me, so tayo na?!?!"..

where are you?!?!I miss talking to you..*fuck

got a few messages when I woke up..I couldnt attend our singalong outreach..I was really tired from last night's events..waaaaaa

I dont wanna drink anymore..or if I still drink I just wish I wouldnt go straight to sleep..2nd time I puked coz I slept..bad headaches and funny memories..hahaha

damn I'm thinking of her again..I think its just nothing..I feel really happy when I talk to her, but not in the sort of "she makes me feel special" way..just "a very friendly someone who makes me smile kind of way"..hehe

I called Camille before I went to sleep at archie's place..errr she was with her boyfriend at this place in davao I havent been to..hope they're ok..

I have a really bad stomach today..it doesnt ache but bursts..hahaha

I wanna go to school today..hmmmm its a saturday but idunno..maybe I could see her there..hopefully..

still praying that GOD will help solve all of our problems..

friday..

Friday morning..slept at around 3am..still up coz I was chatting with a few friends..woke up at 530 coz me and a couple of friends planned to swim at school..I left the house at around 7am and we said that we would all meet at 730 so I took the cab to school..errrr bad idea..shankheyyyy..sliced my allowance in half..cost me 140 I think..hehe I got to school at 745 and I saw that jayR, milts, gref and aaron were there read to swim..haha so we went to the pool and saw our old buddy lifeguards..haha migs caught up with us after a while..man I really miss swimming..makes me wanna go back to my froshy days..the Oh so innocent games and laughter..hahaha

after swimming we went to mcdo to eat..the rest of the day was kind of a bust..jayR was having a really emotional day..I was really pissed at a few people..and everybody just seemed to open up about something..

I didnt go to any of my classes today..i saw dharil and he asked me if I wanted to drink so we went to Kaibigan..I managed to drag mark and jayR to join us..so it was me, jayR, dharil, mark, ayi, marvin, gref and jemuel..since dharil was the one who invited me to drink it was obvious that he had a really big problem..we finished drinking at around 5pm I was really bright red..haha after that we went to our bible study..I was really embarassed coz I told doc Sison that I had a drink and I told him a few of my problems..hayyyy I didnt get to finish the bible study coz I head was throbbing from all the puking that I did..errrr hurts so much!!!I went down to the gallery and saw tel and mon..they were laughing at me coz I really looked silly and I just puked on my shirt..*fuck!!! my head was still aching so I slept..I woke up a couple of minutes later coz ayi was waking me up..she told me if it was ok if it was ok if we just went to archie's place instead of starbucks..it was ok for me coz I didnt have any money..haha damn my head was still spinning..I told her if it was ok if we just took a cab to go to archie's place..I was clinging on to ayi for dear life coz my head was really throbbing..errrr after we got a cab I was just about ready to puke again..I opened the cab door and left marks on the cab and Taft avenue..hahaha damn..I really dont want to drink anymore..waaaaaa we arrived then at archie's place..when I got inside the elevator I was about ready to puke again so I held on to ayi..waaaaaa I feel like a helpless child at that point..hahaha I just slept at archie's place..I woke up at around 10pm..and I found archie and ayi facing the computer..watching a very educational video..hahaha after that I went down to buy food coz I was kind of hungry..haha I bought three noodles..yehey!!!canton!!!

after eating ayi's dad called her..so we went down to go home..or so I thought..hahaha ayi's dad went to a bar to meet a couple of his friends..so ayi and I just sat down a table and talked..hehe ayi's dad asked me if I wanted a beer...errr no thanks tito..hehehe I think I've puked enough tonight..hahaha got home at 1am..good thing mom and dad didnt get mad or anything..

I just wish we would all find solutions to all of our problems..I didnt see her today..hayyyy I wanna talk to you so bad..

what I felt before...

I've been thinking..sometimes I really don't know if I should pity them or laugh at what's happening to them..all I want to say is.."I wish you would've listened to me before..but I'm just a backstabber right?!?!" Oh well best of luck to you..maybe I did destroy what we had in our friendship, but I still tried my best to save what we had..but you didn't listen..so laughs go out to you, your brilliant mind and your fucked up plans for your life..goodluck!!!hahaha

dont mind me..just read something that really made me laugh..hahaha you know who you are..

turn around look at me by: Vouges

There is someone walking behind you,
turn around, look at me.
There is someone watching your footsteps,
turn around, look at me
There is someone who really needs you,
here's my heart in my hand.
Turn around, (turn around,) look at me,
(look at me,) understand,understand,
That there's someone who'll stand beside you.
Turn around, look at me.
And there's someone who'll love and guide you.
Turn around, look at me.
I've waited, but I'll wait forever for you to come to me.
Look at someone (look at someone) who really loves you,
yeah, really loves you. Turn around, look at me.

freaky song!!!haha watch FINAL DESTINATION 3..

monday

no classes today..damn it..me, milts, daine and gracia decided to watch a movie at gateway since we've been stuck inside the house for the past couple of days we decided to go watch a movie..we watched FINAL DESTINATION 3..it was ok..very chunky and juicy deaths..hahaha heads going off, guts and blood spilling everywhere..chunky!!!hahaha

the week is officially ruined for me....i just found out that the emerging technologies conference set this thursday and friday has been moved to april 17-18..
wtf?!?!?! thats a month and two weeks away!!! waaaaaaa... :( i was really looking forward to going..damn it!!!arghhh damn it!!!waaaaaaa

my first vexel..

yehey!!! i just finished my very first vexel..it took me a few days to finish it..its not pretty but I'm still proud..hahaha

the photoshop is a picture of Keira Knightley..if you dont recognize her..haha
crush ko yan!!!very beautiful!!!haha peace out!!!

poem..

just picked it up..haha enjoy..

i never really knew you

you were just another friend

but when i got to know you

i let my heart unbend

i c0uldnt help past memories

that would only make me cry

i had to forget my first love

and give love an0ther try

s0 i've fallen in love with you

and ill never let you go

i love you more than anyone

i just had to let you know

and if you ever wonder why?

i dont know what ill say

but ill never stop loving you

each and everday day

my feelings for you will never change

just know my feelings are true

just remember onething

i love you

no classes...

so boring today..nothing to do here in the house..zzZZzZzz..snorefest..hehe
I miss dancing..I'm watching you got served now..and I really miss doing the moves!!!
hahaha

boring..nothing much to say..peace out..:D

woes of the broken hearted

I got this from my friend erin..read her blog..hehe I really feel whats written here..smile smile smile...

Taken from : Broken Silence
by Katrina Pajarillo - Manila Bulletin - May 20, 2005
Schools, Colleges andUniversities Bulletin

It's amazing the kind of things people do for love sometimes. We rip our hearts out, tear ourselves to shreds,give up our dreams, defy the people that care about us..... and we do it all for the very simple thing we call "love".We make sacrifices. We do the very things that make us cry out in pain, and we do it all with our heads held high, unshed tears stinging our eyes, fighting every breath to be strong. We make decisions that we would have never contemplated before we heard the whispered "I love you", before we fell all the pieces suddenly come together and before there was life in our lives. Nothing matters but that person we have deemed worthy of our heart. Nothing matters but protecting that person, keeping them happy and safe, giving them the best life we can, regardless of wether that life is entwined with ours. We are willing to lose a part of ourselves, or even all of ourselves, to ensure the happiness of the one person that makes everything - the pain, the heartbreak, the tears - worthwhile.And when someone asks, "Why did you do that? Why did you carve out your heart and slice it into pieces?" You have only one answer to give. "Love", you whisper, and it hurts too much to even form the words. That's all you know. That's the only thing keeping you sane, the only thing keeping you from ramming your fist into a window or dragging the shiny metal blade deep across your skin. You did it for love. You did a good thing, perhaps the best thing you have ever done or will ever do. You may never stop hurting and you may always be missing a part of yourself, but you did the one thing that mattered, you loved, and you did it well. You did it the way it was supposed to be done, without expectations, without reserve, without fear.

Sometimes the best thing to do when you love someone is to walk away. Sometimes it's the only thing you can do to protect them. Sometimes even if it kills you inside, you blow them a kiss goodbye from a distance, try to memorize every aspect of their face, then turn around and walk away. You try to remember the way they looked at you, with so much love and trust. You remember the way your skin burned as their fingertips ran over you. You hold on to the love that ran through your veins when you were lost in each other. You try to remember the little things - the way they laughed, the way her rings reflected the light, the way he would stare at you as you moved around the room, the way she would run her fingers through your hair, the sound of his voice as he called your name. And maybe your name was never as beautiful as it was when he whispered it against your ear.

You remember all of that as you walk away, knowing the memories are all you have. You're setting your love free, hoping against hope that they will come back to you. You know better, but you still hope. A small part of you hopes that they realize you're the one for them, that no one in the world will love them like you do, and you hope that it matters enough to make them come back to you. You know they won't, but you still hope because you want them to love you the way you love them. Maybe they can't. Maybe you love them more than they will ever love you. Maybe you have more love to give than they do. Maybe all the love they can ever offer you is never enough and you know that if you stick around, you will just demand more and they will resent you. Maybe life has chosen to keep you apart, but you think they deserve more. You think they need someone who can hold them and wipe away their tears and sh.are their lunch.

You want to give them the world and because it isn't in your hands, you want to let them find somewhere else. And for some reason you think it's your decision to make. You don't stop to think that maybe, just maybe, you're loved in return with the same intensity you offered. Sometimes you think you know so well what is best for another person that you neglect to look past yourself to that other person who will be affected by the decision. Sometimes you may realize the mistake you made by walking away from the person who loved you but didn't know how to show it.

Sometimes they may hate you for walking away, no matter what your reasons are. They may hate you for taking their heart with you, for taking away their control of their own life, for thinking you had any idea what they wanted.

Sometimes you may find each other again and you may see that love still shines, and hopefully then you will have realized that life is no life at all without the one person you want to wake up to for the rest of your life. Love can hurt. It can hurt so much that it's all you can do to get out of bed each morning. It can make you want to give up on life, on ever being happy again. It can make you cry for no real reason. It can make you bitter and hateful. It can make you shut down and hide in the darkness of your despair. After a while you may hold on to the pain because you don't know how to live without it anymore. You hold on to it because that's all there is left of love. You listen to music that reminds you of happier times and you swallow in the memories because you want your brittle heart to break over and over. You want to remember that you loved. You want to remember that you lost.

Then one day, when the sky is clear and the wind whispers a gentle greeting, you feel yourself, take a breath that reaches the very soles of your feet and sends an arrow of warmth straight to your heart. You remember. You remember the pain, the tears, the laughter, the kisses, the scent of their skin, the way they came alive in your hands. You remember, but you can smile now. Not a smile that only reaches your eyes, but one that comes from your heart. You're starting to heal and you're starting to forget. Maybe you fight to hold on to the memories that are slowly disintegrating. Maybe you let the wind sweep away the dust, no longer needing to remember. Maybe you long to forget. Maybe you still hope, because you still think that love is meant to be, but for now you learn to live a little and smile and breathe.

Learning to breathe again is the most difficult part of all.

"The thing is, I went to hell and back for love and I still lost it. I never thought I'd heal from it. But I did. And then I met someone, who had been to the same hell and lost the love of his life. We looked at each other like two people who had been part of the same war. We shared our battle scars and we understood how much pain each of us was hiding beneath our eyes. We forgave each other that night.... and we learned to forgive ourselves"

(The author is a sophomore BS Hotel, Restaurant & Management student specializing Culinary Arts at DLSU - College of St. Benilde.)

happy happy Oh so happy!!!

my day

I started the day with my mom waking me up to get out of my room coz they were gonna bomb the house with insecticide..(T_T) after that I ate then I slept again..and I woke up and I slept again..boring day..hahaha

sleeeeeepy!!!hahaha

zzZzZZzz(^_^)

Akap by: Imago

Nagtatanong
bakit mahirap
sumabay sa agos
ng iyong mundo

Nagtataka
Simple lang naman sana
Ang buhay
Kung ika'y matino

Sabihin sa akin lahat ng lihim mo
Iingatan ko
Ibaling sa akin ang problema mo
kakayanin ko

Pikit mata
kong iaalay
ang buwan at araw
pati pa sapatos kong suot

Nagtatanong
simple lang naman sana
ang buhay
kung ika'y lumayo

Sabihin sa akin lahat ng lihim mo
Iingatan ko
Ibaling sa akin ang problema mo
kakayanin ko

Sasamahan ka sa tamis
Sasamahan ka sa dilim
Sasamahan ka hanggang langit
Sasamahan ka sa tamis
Sasamahan ka sa pait
Sasamahan ka sa dilim
Sasamahan ka hanggang langit
Sasamahan ka...

(Ohhhhhhh.....)

Sabihin sa akin lahat ng lihim mo
Iingatan ko
Ibaling sa akin ang problema mo
kakayanin ko

Narda by: Kamikazee

tila ibon kung lumipad
sumabay sa hangin ako'y napatingin
sa dalagang nababalot ng hiwaga

mapapansin kaya?sa dami ng ginagawa
kung kaagaw ko ang lahat
may pag asa bang makilala ka?

awit na nananawagan
baka sakaling napakikinggan
pag-ibig na palaisipan
sa kanta na lang idadaan

nag-aabang sa langit
sa mga ulap sumisilip
sa likod ng mga tala
kahit sulyap lang darna

ang swerte nga naman ni ding
lagi ka nyang kapiling
kung ako sa kanya niligawan na kita

mapapansin kaya? sa dami ng iyong ginagawa
kung kaagaw ko lahat
may pag asa bang makilala ka?

awit na nananawagan
baka sakaling napakikinggan
pag-ibig na palaisipan
sa kanta na lang idadaan

nag-aabang sa langit
sa mga ulap sumisilip
sa likod ng mga tala
kahit sulyap lang darna

(guitar riffs of death)

tumalon kaya ako sa bangin para lang iyong sagipin
ito ang tanging paraan para mayakap ka
darating kaya sa dami ng ginagawa
kung kaagaw sila
paano na kaya???

awit na nananawagan
baka sakaling napakikinggan
pag-ibig na palaisipan
sa kanta na lang idadaan

nag aabang sa langit
sa mga ulap sumisilip
sa likod ng mga tala kahit sulyap lang darna!!!

valentines exchange gift

me and my friends at school(DLSU) have this silly exchange gift ritual for every occassion..hahaha and our newest trip..valentines exchange gift..we we're supposed to have the exchange gift last tuesday(valentines day) but a lot of us havent bought any gifts yet so they decided to move the exchange gift to friday..

me and ayi bought our gifts a while ago at sm..we were looking for the theme gift.."something big and pink"..for poochie..i bought 300pcs of something something..i really have no idea who poochie is..ej and tel hid everybodys names in code again..haha poochie poochie..hope you like my gifty..wahahaha

"OI OI OI!!!"

oblivion...

hah!I'm so lazy today!!!

no motivation to study at all..hahaha

zzZZzZzz..

so lazy..

so tired..

wahahaha!!!

smile..

always..

keep on smiling..

wadatah!!!

(^_^)

aha!!!

chicken..aha!!!

such a good day..

yet..

depressing..

tang inang algocom!!!

wadatah!!!

-30 points of death!!!

can I make bawi the next test of doom?!?!

hahaha

gg ka boi!!!

sandwich ka boi!!!

wadatah!!!

yes happy day indeed..hahaha

valentines day...

whoah..its VALENTINES can you just feel the romance in the air?!?!

hey..there it goes again..that warm fuzzy feeling..it still sucks coz I'm still thinking about her..I texted her last night just to greet her a big fat "HAPPY VALENTINES!!!" I miss her so much..but as much as I want her, I can never be with her..I really don't know what it is I'm feeling right now..I'm just so confused..things are just tooooooo complicated right now..I hate falling..sometimes its the best feeling in the world..but sometimes, its just something I really don't want to feel coz it just makes things confusing..labo talaga sobra..

up to this moment I still want her..sometimes I really wish that I could turn back time..coz last year wasnt really my shining moment..2005 started out great for me(I wonder why?!?!)..then it all came crashing down..my memorable summer, my 2 terms as a sophomore..really my shining moment..worst year academically..but I always look back to January and February of last year..probably the only time that I remember being so happy so worry free..I had someone who I could tell my problems, someone who I can tell what has happened to me 5 minutes ago, someone who I could laugh with..the day never felt right when we didnt talk..so did the rest of the year when we suddenly lost touch and I found out something that I really didnt want to hear..

I'm always dreaming of December..the time when I know I could get a glimpse of her and be with her for just a few hours..but I know that she doesnt feel the same way..manhid umamin sa manhid..manhid din naramdaman namen..she's taken..and I hope that she is really happy..its just tough sometimes..when you love someone so much and you know that she's not with you..it just hurts you know..hehe why love can be so unfair at times..I dont know and I dont have a clue..I just want to ask her..did she ever feel something?!was it because we lost touch?!I hope you can answer me..

"HAPPY VALENTINES"

countdown..

aha..59 minutes left..VALENTINES is just around the corner..aha!!!my VALENTINES tomorrow will consist of a very nerve wrecking exam in algocom..wadatah!!!


review..
review..
review..


GG ka boi!!! (T_T)

HAPPY VALENTINES!!!

NEWSFLASH: I'm SINGLE
my answer: "LETS MINGLE!!!"

wadatah!!!

hahaha

lovapalooza

oh yeah!!!it has come..the day that couples all over the Philippines drool over..LOVAPALOOZA!!!spit swapping contest as I would like to call it..haha coz for 10 whole seconds a million or so people will be exchanging spit for that special event..hayyyy it sucks coz I get to watch on tv, while I think of someone who I know is there with someone else..it just fucking SUCKS!!!

oh well it seems tv is mocking all the lonely people out there(me included) every damn network is showing a program about love(its february DUH!!!)

it sucks it sucks..and I'm so confused right now..literally..confused..screw this..lets drink and have some fun..

...

sometimes I really dont know if I can handle this..I'm just so damn in love with her..sometimes I really can't breathe..everytime I talk to her I really can't breathe..and I hate it..we're just friends..I can accept that..but some part of me really wants to be with her..and I just hate the fact that she's not being treated well..I just want her to be happy..

"I am so in love with you, but all I want for you is to be happy with the one you love"

thoughts..

we had a meeting today in formdev that required us to visit the wake of brother Andrew..Doc Sison was encouraging everyone to visit the wake..the 230 formdev class was scheduled to visit the wake..since I had nothing else to do for the next hour I decided to visit the wake again..before heading to the wake the class went to the brothers dormitory at LS..there brother Ceci was telling us about the life of brother Andrew and how he knew him..but what caught my attention the most was the fact that brother Andrew was prepared to die..if I remember correctly brother Ceci told us that brother Andrew knew that he was gonna die soon..I began to think..how can one man be so prepared to accept the fact that he is going to die?!?!nobody wants to die..right?!I mean t just really baffled me..it really made me realize that there is a GOD..idunno really..but I think it really gave me a glimpse of GOD..in some way..

bored..

zZZzzZzz..haha so damn bored!!!I know that I should be spending my time wisely but I just cant seem to force myself to study..wahahaha so as always I'm playing solitaire again..for like the nth time this day..and the nth time for the past two months..haha *sigh!!!I wanna drink..haha I feel like I'll try anything new today..hahaha oh well...boring!!!hahaha

"Suck me beautiful!!!" - American Pie

friends...

yup!we talked about it..I never expected anything in return..if something did happen good for me pag ala friends paren dba..*sigh cant believe it took me months to muster up the courage to tell her this..but its ok..I feel good..I feel really good actually..that feeling of great sadness and loneliness has disappeared..thanks so much for listening to me..sorry kung malabo talaga ako minsan..prehas lang tayo..hehe and I will do everything to fix our friendship I promise you that..thanks so much..

"thank you for understanding.."

...

I don't know what got over me..I actually said it like it was nothing and it didn't matter to me..*sigh..i have wished for a lot of things to happen in the past year..and I think none of them have ever happened..well thats life right? you just have to accept things and move on..I wonder what she felt?! Did I offend her? Did it matter to her?! Did she feel something?! I don't plan on asking her any of these questions..I hope that in time she will tell me what she really felt..she said that I'm the only one that understands her..and it would be ok if we we're together..I just wish that I did something in the past..right now I really don't know what I feel anymore..is it love or a crush?!?! oh well..haha damn love talaga!!!

heaven and hell?!

HEAVEN
hayyyy..these past few weeks I feel so happy..Idunno there are a million reasons why I feel this way..everything just feels so right when you get to let something of your chest..

HELL
School is still the same..I only have 13 units enrolled this term but requirements are killing me..damn it!!!there are like a million papers I have to write..AI, algocom and introse..waaaaaaa..I just hope at the end of the term I pass all of my subjects..*sigh..so far my DotA addiction days are behind me..I barely play anymore..haha which is a good thing..I think..hehe

I'm still thinking of what to write for my INTROAI paper..damn it!!!I can't understand shit about the article that my professor assigned for us..waaaaaa..

"I'm still thinking of you.."

long time no blog...

It really has been a while since I blogged..hehe Its been a while since I was able to write down what I really feel..well here it is..or here's one of them..

some people might say that I'm always happy coz I smile a lot(so true)..but..did they ever stop to think that people do really have problems bottled up inside ready to explode?!?! for example.."buti pa cya pasaya lang..isa lang klase sa ngayon tapos DL pa" get the point?! people tend to miss the big picture that although people do look "happy" people are not really "happy"..some people say, though they have "everything" they want, there really is always something missing..there will always be this void that nothing or nobody can ever fill..can we ever say that we are really happy? when can people stop saying that they are complete and they already have everything they want in life..

maybe that void that I'm talking about is that longing for purpose..I've been thinking of purpose these past week..since Doc Sison gave me the book PDL("Purpose Driven Life")..Doc Sison explained to us our purpose during our bible study last Friday..we have 5 purposes in life..as explained in our PDL(I'm not gonna put it here so you can read it yourself..haha) when can I complete these 5 purposes?Doc says I've probably done all but unconsciously..but I want to see that I did my purpose..and it really is what GOD planned for me..

"time and time again I see your face..but all I can do for now is be your true friend..."

I just dont love you no more by Craig David

I just dont love you no more
Craig David

For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately
you’ve been acting so cold (didn’t you say)
if there’s a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don’t want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I’m sick and tired of this silly game
don’t think that I’m the only one here to blame
it’s not me who’s been going round slamming doors

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

I know that I’ve made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn’t make sense to me now that you’re gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more